REJECTION VALIDATES WHAT YOU SECRETLY FEAR IS TRUE

On the surface, rejection appears as the fear of what someone will say or do that does not meet our basic human need for acceptance and belonging. But in truth, it’s not the rejection itself that we fear; it’s the possibility that their reaction will validate the narratives about ourselves we secretly fear are true.

The fear isn’t that they won’t like you – you are afraid their rejection will confirm your belief that you are unlikeable.
The fear isn’t that they won’t believe you – you are afraid their rejection will confirm your belief that you can’t be understood.
The fear isn’t that they won’t answer you – you are afraid their rejection will confirm your belief that you aren’t worth answering.

The reason rejection hurts so bad even if it comes from people we barely know is because of what we deeply believe it says about us. Most of the time, the source of pain that’s felt from rejection isn’t from them – it comes from you agreeing with them because the rejection affirms that what you are most afraid to deeply believe about yourself is true.